WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?

Wow. Its been a while since this has been updated. And I realize not alot of people even read these, but I figure I have to do it for my own well being.

I decided to withdraw from school. I know, I know what a disappointment, but I could do it ontop of all the stress I was feeling. And when I did withdraw, an enormous weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could finally breathe after that.

Right now I'm just focusing on life in general. I need to start focusing on my own health. I've decided to really give the gym a try. Not only because I need to work out, but because I need a release. I've also been trying to eat healthier.

This diabetes thing isn't going to go away becuase I'm ignoring it. It will be around forever and I just need to come to terms with it. Hopefully this new year of life for me will be better. Better health, better food, better in general.

UGH!

I have been so stressed out lately.

School has been ok. Chemistry is actually going well and has been really interesting. But math is another story. I understand math, but my professor has done things so backwards that I don't know which direction we are headed. I failed my first test and have failed the homework. Instead of turning homework in, she'll give random quizes of 3 or 4 problems, and take that grade for our homework. I wish we would just be graded on our homework and then have the oppertunity to actually hand in our work. I'm so frustrated.

One of the other things that I'm stressed about is my dad. Naturally i'm going to be stressed about him, but I was misled with information. I was under the impression that his cancer was stage 2 or 3. But in going to lunch with my sister last saturday, I found out that it is actually stage 4, which means its on his vital organs which is not a good sign. I am so worried that I'm going to loose my dad. I think about it everday, and I'm not sure I can handle someone I love die a slow death. I know I don't have a choice, and it's totally out of my control, and eventually I am going to have to face it head on, but I don't want to. I'm worried.

Last tuesday, I had an eye appointment. I thought my perscription was changing in my eyes. So I made an appointment with the occular doctor whom I've never seen before. What an experience. He was in such a rush! He barely took the time to introduce himself to me and then continued to tell me how busy he was......Not a good impression. So he takes a look at my eyes and tells me my perscription has barely changed at all. As I'm getting the fierce glare in my eyeball from his light, he stops in my right eye, cirles my eye all over again and says, hmmm. Then procedes to do the same thing in my left eye. WHAT? WHAT IS GOING ON? And then says " Has any one told you, you have mild cataracts?" UUUGGGHHHHHH NO! No one has ever said that to me... I have mild cataracts? REALLY? And then goes on to ask me if I've ever taken steriods. Ok I know I'm a big girl but you really think I took steriods? My response naturally is NO!!! What the hell is going on? So I asked what I can do. NOTHING. I'm going to have to wait till it gets progressively worse and then surgery. AWESOME. The gods must hate me right now. I'm so over this. I don't know how much more I can take..... Really. Any adise anyone? HELP!

TOO LEGIT TOO LEGIT TO QUIT...

so this past week has been a complete blur....school started and my anxiety levels have been hitting the roof. it started wednesday at 7am 1010 intermediate algebra...oh my. preface...i haven't been to school in 2 years. and its taken lets see, 8 years to get my generals done, its pathetic, but its coming. so i went to bed early tuesday night around 930 just to make sure i wouldn't be tired....and before i know it i wake up look at my phone and guess what time it was....6:54...EEEEEEEEFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. so i layed in bed trying to decide if i should go or just skip it. i decided to go. the class is only 50 minutes long and i walked in 20 minutes late looking like a million bucks. (you can only imagine). it wasn't so bad.
i raced home washed my hair, put on some make up and ran to work on time. AMAZINGLY. i did my math homework on my lunch break because im a good little student like that. After work i went to chemistry. I have been so worried about chemistry. my brain doesn't understand chemistry or biology and so thats why in my salt lake community college career i saved it for one of the last classes i needed. i was so early, so early. finally every came to class and the professor came in... oh my talk about science geek!. but its totally cool, because he is so "flighty" he cant remember what he's talking about. all of our tests and quizes are open book! HORRAY! this class is in the bag. hopefully everything will pan out, i'll get A's for both classes and then i'll be able to transfer to the U...

MONTY

My dad was diagnosed with Non Hodgkins Lymphoma July 23rd 2008. SCARY. Its cancer. Alot of people don't know what that means, I didn't know what that meant. It means CHEMO. It means loosing you hair, weight, and immune system. Chemo kills not only all the bad cancer cells in your body, but it kills all the good healthy ones too. That why they have to do chemo over a period of time. Its a dose of death. That's scary in and of its self. He can't be in crowds and can't be around peopl who have been around a lot of other people. So if I've been at work all day and want to go see him, I'd have to go take a shower before I could go over to his house. Which is no big deal to me, but it just sucks, the whole situation sucks. I have to keep reminding myself that people survive cancer everyday, and they live with it.
My dad started chemo last friday. He was there for 11 hours.....yep 11. We as a family got together the Monday before to celebrate my dad...this is our whole family. IT WAS A BLAST!!!